I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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