Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
