it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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