my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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