none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize