I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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