Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
