he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
