apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
