are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
