Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
