if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
