after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
