5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
