my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
