he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
