This is not my ceiling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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