Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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