Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
