Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
