I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
