I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
