So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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