I'm going to jail i love you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So vagazzling was a success
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
