I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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