I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
