there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
