I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
