You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I AM VODKA MAN
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
