At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
