i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
