no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
