i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
