Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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