I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
