i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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