It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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