remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
