see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
