what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
