I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
