That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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