One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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