i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
