You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
NoShamevember. You game?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
