i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
