During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
