I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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