Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
