At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
