Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
