I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
