we have officially lost it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
