Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
