I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize