If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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