Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
