i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
