I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize