I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
