bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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