I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
