dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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