I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
