You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish you could order shots online.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
